UCSB Geography staff had their annual Christmas lunch together on the 19th at Mulligan’s Café in Santa Barbara, and the good cheer and good humor overflowed. As a matter of fact, it became a deluge in terms of presents handed out, food packed in, drinks poured down, and laughing out loud.
The staff get together was a “white elephant” affair, consisting of a lot of regifting, regaling, and revenge. Patricia Halloran wept when her “skunk pillow” was taken, Dylan Parenti beamed when he scored the Dali clock, and Beilei Zhang became a heroine when she stole Bill Norrington’s bottle of rum but gave it back to him afterwards.
If the white elephant gifts mentioned above seem amusing, they were tame compared to those bestowed on Bill for reasons unknown. Well, maybe there are reasons…Why else would he be given so many things related to “cleaning up his act” – such as “Wash Away Your Sins” liquid soap, “Fanny Floss” “for those hard to reach areas,” “Belly Button Lint Remover,” a roll of toilet paper “In Case You Get CRAP for Christmas,” and “Toilet Yoga” flash cards. For the record, Bill would like to point out that he has passed all of his annual sexual harassment exams with ease (and in record time), that women constitute nearly 80% of staff membership, and that he has a BS in English.
Dean Pierre Wiltzius sponsored the Geography staff outing, but his generosity didn’t extend to alcoholic beverages, which, no doubt, is why our CEO Mo Lovegreen called an end to the affair just before it got dark and while she could still walk. It has been said that universities are a fountain of knowledge, and that the students are there to drink, but that obviously precludes our own sober staff. Having said that, cheers to Pierre, Mo, and Beilei!
Article by Bill Norrington, who, in hindsight, realizes that giving raspberry jam to all of the staff for Christmas might have been taken the wrong way.
