The annual end of year Geography staff meeting was held on Friday, 14 December, and it resulted in major policy decisions regarding such issues as staff welfare, faculty-staff interaction, and financial priorities. In order to ensure objectivity and to preempt possible outside interference and/or lobbying by faculty, the meeting was held at The Cold Springs Tavern.
Because of the sensitive nature of the matters under discussion, the staff meeting was disguised as a white elephant gift-giving event, and, indeed, the gifts that people both gave and received were symbolic of the issues at hand. For example:
- Mo Lovegreen became the dubiously proud possessor of a pair of pint-sized mugs whose elegant handles were shaped like elephant heads. All U.C. campuses maintain a strict non-political affiliation policy, and this obvious GOP-inspired gratuity struck at the heart of such principles.
- Bill Norrington came home with a “Side Sleeper Pillow.” As editor, he’s used to being criticized for his News & Events postings and even being censored upon occasion. This obvious allusion to muffling his views is not the first threat he has received.
- Dylan Parenti ended up with a solar-powered model of Queen Elizabeth, feebly waving a hand. “Lizzy” has outlived several U.S. presidents, and Dylan regarded his acquisition as a blatant reminder that job security for staff is tenuous, at best. As if to prove the point, Professor and Chair Dar Roberts had the temerity to phone Dylan in the middle of the staff meeting, demanding immediate help regarding his “remote sensing” and feigning ignorance of the whole staff event.
The 4 hour meeting of minds led to the following conclusions:
- Pressure upon staff resulting from unrealistic faculty expectations makes such annual staff meetings all the more important;
- Said meetings should be held more often in order to assess year-to-date progress;
- Staff salaries are woefully inadequate vis a vis the cost of such meetings;
- Rusack syrah is bloody good wine.
